Third story

That's me

Hi, I am Can & triplestory is my brand. Yet, this is not a story about me, it is a story about you! Your curiosity (or pain) was big enough to generate the consideration span needed for you to start reading this. You're probably asking yourself "What is a third story?". That is the part of your story that I can make an educated guess on. Otherwise, I don't know how you see the world, yet I already know that you see it uniquely. I know this to be true and I know how I know it for certain. I am an identical twin and my brother and me, who share the same genes, parents & multi-cultural imprints, see the world very differently. If that is true for us, it must mean that you too see the world very differently than anyone else does. You are a truly unique individual.

Like all of us, you are guided by a "playlist of narratives" you have subscribed to, mostly without being aware how they got there. Those narratives define you through shaping how you see and make sense of the world, yourself and the people around you. And you are directed by your inner dialogue that usually takes place every moment, except when you intentionally calm your monkey mind, are fully present, immersed in a flow state, or sleep. Depending on your degree of meta-cognition & meta-emotion, most of that dialogue could be beyond your awareness. Your impulses, cognitions/feelings, needs and cognitive biases all fuel the conversation that takes place inside you. Your inner dialogue translates into words and actions through the various roles within you, which come to life based on the social setting. They are played out by your inner actor who has learned to play some of those roles very well. Not necessarily always to your benefit or the benefit of others. And sometimes the chatter inside you might be so noisy it crowds out your ability to actually listen to what is being said and observe what is not being spoken.

Your internalized narratives & inner dialogue create your story, but they do not exist in a vacuum. Your story also emerges and is shaped by the context you are in. Well, the not so secret secret is, that the same is true for any person that you ever interact with. They have their unique story too. The third story is what a non-involved, non-judgmental, non-influencing observer would witness. It emerges moment by moment through the interplay of your story & their story. If you were silently (and for them invisibly) observing the interaction between two people, you'd be experiencing the third story.  Each of them experiences the same interaction from the perspective of their own story, too often being limited by it.

Your story, their story and the third story. Every human interaction is a triple story. Each conversation is unique and we'll only have it once. The better we understand the other person's story, our own story and the factors that shape their interplay, the better third stories we can co-author together. The brand name serves as a reminder to myself on the true nature of our interactions. As our own story co-creates the third story that we think we're objectively perceiving, inter-personal skill development cannot be separated from intra-personal skill development. Improving externally is one side of the coin, debugging internally is the other side of it. Both need conscious inner work.

Finally, if you have actually read this far, you're someone I'd love to have a conversation with! I want to learn more about your story and I am especially curious to hear what you are seeking or struggling with that brought you here. Chances are if what I wrote resonates with you, we might make a good team for a shared journey of becoming better communicators together.

Start a conversation with me